One of Those Days
It all started with a bad workout.
It was a Thursday night. And for whatever reason, I just couldn’t get my head in the game.
It started out fine - I went into it with a plan...knew exactly what I was going to do. I had the gym to myself (Coach perks!), put on some Metallica, and started warming up. Man, I feel like crap, I thought to myself. Every rotation of my jump rope felt like I was throwing around a string of metal paperweights. I kept tripping up and whipping myself, my frustration growing. “OW! What the actual f%*k?!?!”
Okay...relax, I thought, ditch the rope, do something else. I started to stretch, and took a few deep breaths to calm down. All the while, more negative thoughts kept passing through:
...why am I so tired?
...Ugh, I REALLY don’t feel like doing this workout right now.
...I have to wake up so early tomorrow
...this is going to suck.
Etc. etc. etc.
So it’s no surprise that things didn’t go well once I started. I basically told myself it was going to be terrible, and willed it to be true. 25 burpee’s and 5 strict presses in, I wanted to stop.
Keep going, you’ll feel better when it’s over. But no, each rep felt heavier than the last and my negativity continued to grow, until I did something I almost NEVER do - I quit. Just straight up stopped. Gave up. No mas. After only 3 minutes.
I was pissed. Annoyed with myself, with the workout, with how I felt. Sulking, I gathered my things and left.
Supremely irritated, I drove home. Then I pulled into my driveway, walked through the door, and answered my husband’s “How was it?” with a “Shitty, just wasn’t feeling it...I dunno.” I then proceeded to binge on food.
It started with dinner - 4 slices of pepperoni pizza...2 more than I needed. Hating my decision, I figured I was already overdoing it so why not keep going? I finished the pizza on my daughter’s plate too. Then I finished her ice cream sundae. Then it just continued...3 huge squares of dark chocolate, 2 oversized tablespoons of peanut butter out of the jar....okay well now I need something tart and sweet: blueberries - gulped a huge handful of those. Right back to the fridge - hmmmm what else can I have even though my stomach hurts because I’m so full? YES, cheese, because screw it, I’m already a disaster. Might as well finish the 2 week-old cookies left in the Tupperware over there too. Now I need something salty...those pistachios will do nicely. 3...6....27 shelled nuts later...back to needing a sweet thing. Chocolate covered popcorn that we got as a random gift? Don’t mind if I do!
“What is WRONG with you?” I said to myself, “You’re a NUTRITION coach!”
Hot. Mess. Express.
30 minutes and a bad stomach ache later, I stopped. I guess I felt that I had sufficiently overdone it and succeeded in topping off my bad workout with equally bad food choices. Time to go to bed feeling sorry for myself.
The next morning, I woke up feeling exceptionally bloated and far from well-rested. But then I did something really important: I forgave myself. I chose not to dwell on what happened the night before, and just take the new day as an opportunity to start over. Because one binge doesn’t make me unhealthy. One bad workout doesn’t make me out of shape. I recognized that I let myself spiral...that I took the negativity and ran with it, CHOOSING to be grumpy and CHOOSING to succumb to that all-or-nothing mentality and just say “screw it, I already messed up..so let’s keep going.”
And that’s okay, because I’m human.
Sometimes it’s easier for us to distract ourselves from what’s really going on emotionally by actively engaging in something that we know isn’t good for us. It’s a form of rebellion. A type of self-reward and self-punishment all at the same time. It gives us permission to throw our hands up and scoff, “WHATever!!!” instead of dealing with the real issue at hand.
And that’s okay sometimes too.
But then we need to get past it, and get back to doing what’s best for our mental/physical/emotional health: prioritize sleep, move everyday, eat well, and stay hydrated. Having a healthy relationship with food and exercise (and with yourself) is a major step towards maintaining a healthy body weight. Some of us just need to start THERE.
So if you found yourself able to relate to this, know that you’re not alone. We get it, because we’ve been there. So don’t beat yourself up for having one of those days...just work to have less and less of them, and be kind to yourself along the way. And if you feel like you can’t do it alone, consider hiring a nutrition and wellness coach - accountability is the missing link for many of us, and that’s exactly what SALT Nutrition provides
Take it one day at a time. You’ve got this.